August 29, 2008

  • Beach-Boys-Posters



    Children’s Bible in a Nutshell
    Author unknown ~

    A child was told to write a “book report” on the entire Bible.  This is amazing and brought tears to my eyes.  I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???  

    Through the eyes of a child . . . .

    In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas.  The Bible says, ‘The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.  Anyway, God said, ‘Give me a light!’ and someone did.  Then God made the world.

    He split the Adam and made Eve.  Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet.  Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.  Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars.

    Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.  Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million, or something.

    One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham.  Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it.  He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

    After Noah, came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.  Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast.  Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

    Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston.  Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh’s people.  These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.  God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.

    Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.  These include don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor’s stuff.  Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more:  Humor thy father and thy mother.  One of Moses’ best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies.  Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

    After Joshua came David He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot.  He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines.  My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn’t sound very wise to me.

    After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.  One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed upon the shore.  There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don’t have to worry about them.

    After the Old Testament came the New Testament.  Jesus is the star of the New Testament.  He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, ‘Close the door! Were you born in a barn?’ It would be nice to say, ‘As a matter of fact, I was.’)

    During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans.  Jesus also had twelve opossums.  The worst one was Judas Asparagus.  Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

    Jesus was a great man.  He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.  But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot.  Pilot didn’t stick up for Jesus.  He just washed his hands instead.

    Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.  He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum.  His return is foretold in the book of Revolution. 

    MIKEJONES Chair-Print-I10212450


    Thought I’d share a smile with you today!  I do hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend.  We have a few things planned besides getting more things sorted for the yardsale … our chiropractor appointments, a corporate prayer time at church tonight, seeing our Miss Elizabeth, Mom Betty, and O.P., (please pray for her … she is to have gallbladder surgery soon … not sure of the date yet, but I’ll keep you posted).  We need to restock the antique mall for the holiday weekend, and we also have a church campfire on Saturday night, church on Sunday, and on Monday we have a Labor Day fellowship picnic to go to again this year.  Not sure if I’ll be up to playing volleyball this time, though … but I’ll sure enjoy the fellowship, oh, and the food!!  Sometime in there I have to get my husband to rest … he worked a hard week.  It’s going to be a busy one for us as you can see, but I’ll be around off and on to check in on you … in the meantime, what are your plans for the weekend?  Whatever your plans are, be blessed, and enjoy!

    heart flagHugs,
                ~ Deborah <><

Comments (10)

  • :sunny:have a great labor day

    :heartbeat:jen

  • Thank you for the SMILE :sunny:. Have a wonderful labor day with your honey.

  • Cute. Hope you have a great weekend.!

  • :sunny:Very cute…:lol:…hope you didn’t over do it today…thanks for your sweet comment sorry I couldn’t stay up last night as I konked out on ya….:lol:….I am having body aches right now mainly in my feet…ugh…have a blessed weekend dear Deb…:love:

    :heartbeat:HuGs….Linda:heartbeat:

  • :sunny:Good Morning Sweet Deborah! Praying that you and Lew have a Wonderful weekend! Praying for Miss Elizabeth and family! Have a Fantastic Day! (((((Hugs)))))……….In Christ’s Love…..Monic:heartbeat::love::heartbeat::wave:

  • Judas Asparagus! Too funny! We have our friend here from America, so we may do something touristy on Saturday if the weather is cooperative. Tonight my young folks will be here for cell group. Blessings, busy lady! :heartbeat:

  • I loved reading that and wanted to thank you for sharing it.  Your have a wonderful weekend planned and I pray you enjoy and also get some rest.  Be blessed, Jill

  • Hi Deborah! Sounds like you have a nice weekend ahead. We had a good trip to CA and Rob is settled in a Biola. Now I am trying not to panic about whether he can handle the work! Time for me to have some faith. Now that we’re home I am trying to catch up on things from this crazy summer! I am tired though and having trouble getting going. Last night we went to the Colts game so it was fun to see the new stadium…it’s huge! And tonight we are going down to Rib America at Military Park, mainly to see Peter Frampton in concert, whoo! Other than that I have no idea. A campfire sounds like a fun idea. Take care!
    :sunny:

  • About our only plans are to go to the county fair and maybe Monday plant some daylilies and iris bulbs. I need to think of a good spot for them. I’m tempted to put some in the ditch in front of our pasture, just for added colour.

    God bless,
    Kim

  • That was cute!

    You sound like you have a busy and fun weekend planned. Enjoy!

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quote and verse

Faith expects from God what is beyond all expectation.
- Andrew Murray -

God often comes to us,
not in dramatic and the spectacular,
but in quiet, unexpected ways ...
In a still, small voice,
a gentle whisper,
God makes known His love.

In quietness and trust
is your strength.
Isaiah 30:15

Pleasure, possessions, power, and privilege are ultimately worthless in comparison to the indescribable
joy of knowing GOD!!

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him,
and He shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:5,6

I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go:
I will guide thee with mine eye.
Psalm 32:8

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